I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize