If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
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We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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