if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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