i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
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She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
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I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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