im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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