Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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