Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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