if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
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dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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