I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
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URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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