I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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