i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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