I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize