So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
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Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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