I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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