he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
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I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
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No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
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