Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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