he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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