I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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