dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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