I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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