I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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