i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We are all done wearing pants today
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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