i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Reggie can tackle my bush.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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