I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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