Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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