pedialite and red bull = repair kit
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
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How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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