My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
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I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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