i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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