don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
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Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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