you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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