you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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