sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
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there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
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When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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