I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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