Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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