we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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