He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
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I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
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We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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