So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
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plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
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We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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