bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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