If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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