I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
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I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
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No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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