i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
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I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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