return my video game
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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Someone shattered a urinal.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
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Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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