I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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