if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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