OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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