hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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