Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize