Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize