But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
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I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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