Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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